I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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