You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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