Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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