Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
