why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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