I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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