6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
