Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
