If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
