Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
