dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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