and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
