You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
