Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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