You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
