Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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