I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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