I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
