never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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