1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
