The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
