i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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