please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
