i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
