just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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