It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
