And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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