Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize