remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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