the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
