I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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