Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
