So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
