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You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
God I need to hump something, right now.
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