no, he came in my armpit
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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