Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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