Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
