I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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