areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
