About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
