I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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