Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize