she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
