So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
