you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
