if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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