you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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