I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
