You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
