he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
