She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
