Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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