When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
