I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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