I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
