I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
