When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
