she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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