But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
