You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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