i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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