She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
