I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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