dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
