Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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