She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
