you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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