I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
