actually, I'm a sock model
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
