So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
