Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
