a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
