first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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