Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
