so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Less talking, more tequila
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
