DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
