Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
