sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
