i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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