don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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