why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Randomize
