R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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