I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
