Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
