I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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