His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
