we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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