He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
