I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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