bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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